


On a Frozen Lake in Winter

by Arami_Heartilly (Sapphire_Princess)



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, F/M, Gendo is a terrible father, Happy universe, Kawoshin - Freeform, M/M, Mari is awesome, Romance, background toji/hikari, but is its own self contained series of one shots, set in a universe with no angels - except for Kaworu obvs, technically the prequel to Tabitha, they remember their past loops/lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-13 14:57:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12986499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphire_Princess/pseuds/Arami_Heartilly
Summary: He is not supposed to be here. This world is supposed to be new and free and safe… Safe from angels and therefore safe from him.Yet it’s cold and he’s awake and alive.There are voices calling and people approaching but all he can think is that if he’s back and the world is safe, then it means only one thing.Shinji wanted him to live.





	1. On a Frozen Lake in Winter

**Author's Note:**

> This was written just under a year ago when I was pretty delirious with fever and suffering from a chest infection... but it also wrote its self.  
> It is technically the prequel to Tabitha and as such it doesn't matter if you're read the other or not... but if you enjoy this then give it a look ^^  
> Many thanks go to **RobinRocks** for betaing this for me!!!!

He is not supposed to be here. This world is supposed to be new and free and safe… Safe from angels and therefore safe from him.

Yet it’s cold and he’s awake and _alive_. 

There are voices calling and people approaching but all he can think is that if he’s back _and_ the world is safe, then it means only one thing.

Shinji wanted him to live.

*

“Shinji Ikari?” 

Shinji looks up from his cello to see an upperclassman stood in the doorway.

“Yes, is there anything I can help you with?” He’d really rather not. This is the first time he’s had to really dedicate to practice and he’s been looking forwards to it all week.

“Can you please pack up your things and follow me, you’re needed in the headteacher’s office.”

“Excuse me?”

The girl bows slightly in apology. “I’m sorry but I’ve been told it’s urgent, I don’t know any of the other details.”

He closes his eyes and counts to ten, it wouldn’t do for him to lose his temper again so soon after his showdown with Toji the week before.

“Fine. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Thank you.” Then she’s gone and he’s left wondering what on earth is going on.

*

“Ah, Mr Ikari, would you take a seat please?”

He does, holding his cello close to him.

“We’ve had an urgent call from the hospital. It would seem there is a boy about your age who’s been admitted with possible hypothermia after having been found in the lake.”

Shinji’s initial panic that it might involve someone he knows has subsided but he lets the headmaster continue.

“He’s been calling your name and insist he knows you.”

“Who is he?”

“His surname is Nagisa, it’s the only name he’ll give us.”

“I’m sorry, sir, I don’t think I know him.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Well, he’s causing quite a lot of trouble down there. He has no identification at all and he was found completely naked. We’ve been asked if you would make your way there - I’ll make sure your cello gets sent to your house on my way home so you need not worry.”

“Sir, I really don’t know anyone by that name.”

The headmaster looks at him in a way that says he really, really couldn’t care less. “Well then, think of it as doing a favour for your school, you’ve been causing us a bit of trouble lately.”

Shinji scowls and nods, bemoaning the lack of practice he’ll be able to do this afternoon.

“They’ve paid for a taxi for you and I’ve checked its credentials, it will get you there safely and I’m sure your aunt or uncle will come to collect you afterwards.”

“Yes, sir.” He clutches his cello case to him for just a moment then stands, grabs his school bag and leaves the office.

Rei is waiting for him outside.

“Is everything alright?” she asks.

Shinji shakes his head. “Someone is apparently calling my name at the hospital and refuses to calm down until I go and see them… What kind of raving lunatic does that?”

Rei gives him a sympathetic look and pats his shoulder. “Do you want me to come with you?”

He shakes his head. “I’d rather not ruin anyone else’s afternoon, go to your club. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“If you’re sure,” she says softly, looking at him with worried eyes. She reminds him of his mother when she does that, not surprising given she’s his second cousin, and for a moment it hurts as much helps.

“I am, tell everyone else I’ll see them tomorrow. Whatever this is I’m pretty sure it’s going to take the whole afternoon and evening to resolve, at least knowing my luck.” 

***  
He can hear the scuffling from the corridor.

“Mr Ikari?” asks a nurse as he nears the desk.

“Yes, I’m Shinji, Shinji Ikari.”

The nurse behind the counter lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness, we’re hoping you’ll be able to help the patient to calm down and let us run some tests. He’s just through there.”

Shinji tries to give his blandest and most polite smile but it must fall short. 

“Is he usually like this?” he asks.

Shinji shakes his head. “I don’t know, I don’t know why he’s so insistent he knows me. The school sent me in case I could help.”

The nurse creases his eyebrows. “He gave us your name, date of birth, school name, and your description. There aren’t any other Shinji Ikari’s in the city, let alone any that match all of those details.”

Shinji sighs. “Might as well get this over with. Is he in there?” He’s too fed up to be formal, he’s too tired to bother with anything.

The nurse nods so Shinji opens the door.

Everything stops. The boy - teenager really, same age as Shinji or there abouts - ceases fighting the nurses and turns around to face him. They back away and Shinji, left with a clear view, does nothing but stare and stare and stare.

_“I really was born to meet you.”_

_“You have earned my empathy, what I mean is, I love you.”_

_“You really are amazing, Kaworu, you think of everything.”  
“Only because I’m always thinking about you, Shinji.”_

_“I loved him too.”_

Shinji is frozen to the spot, assaulted with so many images of him and this boy that it’s almost too much to keep him standing. _Playing piano, playing in a quartet and quintet with their friends, nights spent sleeping on a tiny bunk in Kaworu’s room before just giving up and crawling into bed to be closer, a bath house, a world destroyed with a sole musical oasis in the centre. A cat, a church… sorrow… so much sorrow._

“Kaworu?” Shinji croaks, waiting for a nod of recognition before he runs over and jumps up, onto the bed, grabbing hold of Kaworu and ignoring how cold he is in favour of holding on. “Kaworu, Kaworu,” he sobs, rubbing his hands all over his back and then fisting one in his hair.

“It’s okay, Shinji, it’s really me. I’m here, I’m here,” Kaworu says and Shinji knows he’s crying too - he can feel it through his jumper and shirt.

One of the nurses comes closer but Shinji scowls at them in warning. 

“We only want to take his temperature and a blood sample, if that’s okay.”

“Kaworu?” Shinji asks, somewhat unsure - though he can’t quite remember why - that allowing them to take a sample of his blood would be a good idea. “Is that okay? I won’t leave you, I promise.”

“I don’t know,” Kaworu mumbles against his neck. “I don’t know.”

“Does it have to be right away?” Shinji asks, pulling the crinkled heat blankets around them both again.

The nurse shakes his head. “No, we can come back in an hour, but if his condition gets any worse you will need to call us straight away.”

“Okay.”

“Use that button over there.” He shows Shinji the panic button attached to the top of the bed frame corner then leaves them in peace. “We will be just outside.”

When they’re alone, Shinji takes hold of Kaworu’s shoulders and pushes him back just enough to let him look at him.

“What’s going on?” he asks.

Kaworu swallows. “I don’t know,” he says, voice shaking as he shivers.

“Okay.” Shinji isn’t in any place to argue with that, he doesn’t know either. But he doesn’t want to leave or go anywhere. It feels like they’ve been separated for a lifetime.

A pained laugh escapes him. He supposes they really have been.

“Kaworu?” Shinji asks, trying to free himself for just a moment but the other boy is shaking so violently that he’s not sure if it’s all from the cold. “I need to strip, okay? To warm you up, I saw it in a documentary once.” Kaworu lets him go and Shinji makes quick work of his jumper, shirt, shoes, trousers and socks. He leaves his underwear on as a matter of principle then gets back onto the bed and folds Kaworu into his arms, gritting his teeth at how cold he is, then pulling the heat blankets and regular blanket over them both.

They lie together in a shaking, shivering mess, Kaworu holding on so tightly Shinji almost can’t breathe. He returns it as best he can, stroking his silver hair and keeping one arm firmly wrapped around him at all times.

“Why isn’t it a good idea for them to take your blood?” he asks after half an hour.

“You don’t remember?”

Shinji shakes his head through the fog of the onslaught of memories of this boy. “No, just that it might not be a good idea.”

“I don’t know what I am,” Kaworu whispers.

“I don’t care,” Shinji tells him firmly, though the details are still fuzzy. “They can’t have you, I don’t want anyone to hurt you ever again,” he holds his breath for as long as he can before a torrent of guilt overwhelms him and he’s crying again. “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” He remembers… so many times… by his own hands.… “Kaworu.”

“It’s alright, there was nothing else you could have done, it won’t happen again, not here, it’s fine,” Kaworu soothes. “I won’t let anyone hurt you either, not like that. It’s okay, Shinji.”

He relaxes and by the time their hour is up Kaworu isn’t shivering as badly and he no longer feels so cold to the touch.

They decline a blood test just in case but do allow his temperature to be taken and other tests to be done.

*

The first nurse he’d spoken to comes back into the room later that evening, Kaworu has gone for a shower in the ensuite of the room whilst Shinji keeps watch outside.

“We knew each other a long time ago, but I couldn’t remember his surname.”

“Childhood friends?” the nurse offers.

“Yes. He’s not quite sure how he ended up here so something must have happened.”

“Maybe he was tracking you down and had an accident? He’s clearly been robbed of all his possessions and left to die out there, but he’s not too malnourished. Do you know if he’s had any recent family troubles?”

Shinji bites his lip, he can’t be honest, but he can bend the truth a little. “He doesn’t really get on with his family - at least from what I can remember, that’s why we lost touch with each other.”

“So it could be that he’s tried to leave them and they didn’t take too kindly to it.”

Shinji nods. “He hasn’t said much but…”

“But it’s a safe conclusion to come to. Okay, I’ll write that in his records and we won’t search for them, it doesn’t sound like it’ll be safe.” He goes to leave but turns back to Shinji. “No one’s going to ask you to leave, so you can stay the night. To be honest I’m not sure we’ll be able to get him to cooperate if you don’t, but you should call your family to let them know where you are.”

“I will, thank you.”

When the nurse leaves, Shinji calls Rei to update her. She seems surprised but accepting and asks what she can do to help.

“Do you think you could bring some spare clothes? I’ll pay you back as soon as I can but I can’t leave him, and I’m going to tell my aunt I’m staying with friends tonight, okay?”

_“Yes. I’ll cover for you, what size do I need?”_

“I don’t know… he’s about my size, maybe a bit bigger? A little taller, too.”

_“Okay. I’ll be there in an hour.”_

“Thank you, Rei, really.”

_“You’re welcome. I’ll see you in a bit.” ___

__*_ _

__Kaworu comes out of the shower and looks from Shinji to his phone._ _

__“I just called my aunt to tell her I was staying with friends, and Rei is on her way over with some clothes for you. It’ll be better than the hospital gown and my jumper.”_ _

__“I like your jumper.”_ _

__Shinji blushes and stands, putting his phone on the table._ _

__“You can keep it, I have more at home. I’ll just… um, shower, okay? Do you need anything?”_ _

__Kaworu shakes his head but does hug Shinji before he heads into the bathroom._ _

__“There’s an mp3 player in my bag if you want to listen to some music?” Shinji offers when he’s at the door._ _

__“Thank you, Shinji,” Kaworu says, meaning so much more than just the offer._ _

__“You’re welcome.”_ _

__*  
Rei meets Shinji at the door of the room, looking in to see the silver haired boy with red eyes sat on the bed and trying to pretend he’s not trying to catch a glimpse of her._ _

__He’s familiar, but that’s not surprising. His name had had that affect on her already._ _

__Shinji lets her in and she greets Kaworu warmly, handing over a bag of clothes._ _

__“I also packed you both an overnight bag and pyjamas incase you’d rather wear something more comfortable.”_ _

__“Thank you, Ayanami,” Kaworu says warmly, running his hands over the soft tee-shirts she’d chosen for him._ _

__“You can call me Rei.”_ _

__“Then you can call me Kaworu.”_ _

__She smiles._ _

__“How much do I owe you?” Shinji asks, reaching for his bag. She puts her hand on his shoulder to stop him._ _

__“You don’t owe me anything, it’s my treat. I’ll tell the others you won’t be at school tomorrow, I’m sure the hospital has already advised the headmaster that you’ll be staying with Kaworu for the time being.” Shinji nods. “I’ll bring your worksheets with me when I visit tomorrow, unless they’ve released you by then, in which case I’ll bring them to your house.”_ _

__“Thank you, Rei, thank you so much.”_ _

__“You’re welcome.” She wonders if maybe she should leave them alone, aware that though the details are not clear enough in her mind, Kaworu and Shinji deserve a happy and peaceful reunion after so much time apart and so much pain involved in their last parting._ _

__“Can’t you stay for a while?” Kaworu asks._ _

__“Alright.”_ _

__He looks relieved… It’s almost as if he’s sorry for something when he needn't be… or maybe they were friends before… she can’t remember._ _

__*_ _

__“Thank you,” Shinji tells him once Rei is gone and they’re settled down in the hospital bed to sleep._ _

__“For what?”_ _

__“Asking Rei to stay.”_ _

__Kaworu wraps his arms around Shinji, delighted by the feel of the flannel pyjamas Rei picked out for them both._ _

__“I wanted to. I remember wanting to be friends with her before but it was always impossible, both caught on the wrong side of a battle neither of us wanted.”_ _

__He looks down at Shinji and finds him crying again._ _

__“Sorry.”_ _

__“Don’t apologise, I know you don’t remember everything, but it doesn’t matter, Shinji. What’s done is done.”_ _

__“I love you,” Shinji whispers suddenly._ _

__Kaworu’s heart beats in triple time._ _

__“I love you and yet I don’t know if I’ve ever actually told you, you’re always gone before I can and I…”_ _

__“Shinji.” Kaworu squeezes him tighter. “Shinji, I’ve always known, always. Why do you think I kept coming back?”_ _

__Shinji doesn’t answer, just presses his face to Kaworu’s chest until he calms down._ _

__“I love you too, Shinji. You can sleep now. I’ll be here when you wake up.”_ _

__*_ _

__“He can stay with me,” Shinji says when he’s questioned about where Kaworu will go once he’s been officially discharged._ _

__“Are you sure?” the nurse asks._ _

__“Yes, of course. He doesn’t have anyone else. There’s space in our house and I’m sure my aunt and uncle will agree.”_ _

__Kaworu is sat silently at his side at the table, hand firmly held in Shinji’s underneath._ _

__“Would that be alright with you, Mr Nagisa?”_ _

__“Yes, yes, it would be fine.” He smiles at Shinji and squeezes his fingers._ _

__“Alright. We’ll sort out your identification and speak to the school. We will need to meet with your aunt and uncle tomorrow to discuss the finer details but, for now, you can take him home with you.”_ _

__“Thank you,” Shinji says._ _

__“You’re welcome.” The nurse smiles and leaves them alone._ _

__“Are you sure your aunt and uncle will agree?” Kaworu asks._ _

__Shinji shrugs. “If they don’t then we’ll move out and live by ourselves. My mum left me enough money and we could both work.”_ _

__“Shinji…”_ _

__“It’s not an argument, Kaworu. If you’re right and you’re here because I wanted you to be then I’m not casting you out on your own, okay?”_ _

__Kaworu, unused to a Shinji with so much determination, just nods and agrees. It’s been several lifetimes since he’s seen him like this._ _

__*_ _

__Shinji walks home from the station with Kaworu’s hand held firmly in his own, up the steps to his house and opens the door._ _

__His aunt and uncle are both home and look up in surprise when they see them both in the doorway._ _

__“This,” Shinji says, gesturing to Kaworu with the hand not held in his, “is Kaworu Nagisa and I’d like him to live with us from now on. He doesn’t have any family left and he’s my friend. He doesn't have anywhere else to go.”_ _

__His aunt stands in surprise. “Excuse me?”_ _

__Shinji bows forwards and Kaworu does the same. “Please.”_ _

__His uncle walks towards them all and stands at his wife’s side. “Mr Nagisa, would you mind giving us a moment? You can wait upstairs in Shinji’s room.”_ _

__“I would rather he stayed,” Shinji says._ _

__“This is a private family matter, Shinji, you cant just demand we take someone else in.”_ _

__Shinji’s eyes are wide and Kaworu can feel the anger running through him._ _

__“It’s okay, Shinji, I can wait upstairs.”_ _

__“Kaworu,” he says, looking directly at him._ _

__“I’ll be fine, I’ll just wait in your room, okay?” He squeezes his hand once then lets go, taking his leave and retreating upstairs._ _

__Truthfully he doesn’t remember a time when Shinji has lived with his aunt and uncle, and he’s certainly never been to this house before. He’s used to Shinji living with Misato or on his own… it also says a lot that even in this happier universe, Shinji’s father still denies his son the love he deserves._ _

__He can still hear the argument that rages downstairs, which admittedly has more to do with his angelic hearing than the thickness of the walls. Knowing Shinji won’t mind; he listens in to some of it._ _

__“He has nowhere else to go and I will not abandon him!”_ _

__“You’ve never mentioned this boy before and now you bring him home?”_ _

__“We lost contact. He doesn’t have anyone else, please. You can use my money if it’s about that but I can’t abandon him again.”_ _

__“What do you mean?” his aunt asks._ _

__“Before… it’s my fault he was.. he was hurt. I thought he’d been killed… I… please. I know I’m not the easiest person to live with but Kaworu is kind and considerate and wonderful, please let him stay.” The emotion in Shinji’s words carries so strongly that Kaworu can feel tears in his eyes. He really, really needs to make sure he can hide how much it affects him in public. He’s never had to deal with so many people before._ _

__“Is he the friend you were staying with last night?”_ _

__Shinji nods. “He was admitted to the hospital, he was found abandoned in the snow. That’s where I was.”_ _

__There’s silence for a while and, given Kaworu’s power doesn’t extend to seeing what’s going on downstairs, he can only lie there and wait._ _

__“He can stay tonight,” his uncle concedes._ _

__“No, I told the hospital that he’s going to live with us and they want you to speak with social services tomorrow.”_ _

__“You are asking a lot,” his aunt says._ _

__“I know, I know. Use the money my mother left me or let us both get jobs. He can share my room, he can share everything I have… just please, let him stay. Please.” The last word is muffled by someones shoulder and Kaworu’s heart hurts at the thought of Shinji being in so much pain over him. But he does as he’s promised and stays right where he is._ _

__A few minutes later there are unfamiliar footsteps up the stairs and a knock on the door._ _

__“Can I come in?” Shinji’s uncle asks._ _

__“Of course,” Kaworu says, standing up as the door opens._ _

__“You can sit down, Mr Nagisa. My wife is talking to Shinji but I need to talk to you.”_ _

__Kaworu does as he’s told and waits. The family resemblance doesn’t stretch to Shinji’s uncle - unsurprising given that his aunt is his blood relative, but they are still family and that’s all that really matters at that moment._ _

__“Shinji tells us he’s the reason you were hurt when you were younger, is that true?”_ _

__Kaworu sighs and looks away. “Shinji thinks it is. We were both in an impossible situation and it was all beyond our control. It wasn’t his fault, not really.”_ _

__“Okay, that’s fair enough. It’s clear my nephew cares about you a great deal, I’m guessing that the reason he’s never mentioned you up until this point is because he thought you’d been gravely injured and possibly killed… and that must mean that you haven’t had an easy life.”_ _

__Kaworu stays silent but does give a small nod of the head. He doesn’t really think his hardships matter in comparison to the pain he’s seen Shinji and his friends put though in all their lifetimes._ _

__“He also tells us that you have no family left. Now, you don’t have to tell me if that’s because they abandoned you, because they’re dead or because you’ve escaped them… what you do need to tell me is if you really want to stay because Shinji is here or just because this is somewhere safe.”_ _

__“Though I wouldn’t want to put you in any danger, I can assure you I’m here because Shinji is here. He’s my closest friend and I care about him very much.” He doesn’t think Shinji’s uncle would be too impressed by declarations of love at this stage. They are, after all, only fifteen years old._ _

__“Alright then, you can stay. I don't know how long it will take us to clear out the spare room but I get the feeling you won’t mind sharing with Shinji. I’ll send him up then you can get ready for dinner.”_ _

__“Thank you,” Kaworu says, standing to bow in gratitude._ _

__“You’re welcome, Mr Nagisa.”_ _

__“You can call me Kaworu, sir, if you’d like to.”_ _

__Shinji’s uncle simply smiles and pats him on the head. “I’ve never seen my nephew so determined or upset over anyone or anything before. Just be careful with his heart - it’s not normally so open.”_ _

__“I wouldn’t ever want to do anything to hurt him, sir.”_ _

__“I believe you.” Then he’s gone from the room and shortly after Shinji is running into it, wrapping his arms around Kaworu and landing them both on the bed._ _

__“You can stay, you can stay, you can stay.”_ _

__Kaworu smiles, holding him closely with one hand and ruffling his hair with the other._ _

__“Thank you, I heard some of what you said downstairs. I’ll do whatever I can to deserve your kindness.”_ _

__“You already deserve it, Kaworu. Just… see this as me making it even between us, okay?”_ _

__Kaworu nods. “Okay.”_ _

__***_ _


	2. Hand Holding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is the shortest of them all.   
> I'll be posting a new one every few days or so, with the aim to get them all posted by Christmas.

“So, Shinji, aren’t you going to introduce us to your boyfriend?” Toji teases.

Shinji, knowing he couldn’t have engineered the situation better himself, simply walks over to where Kaworu is sitting with Rei and Asuka, and takes his hand.

“Sorry.” The girls wave them off and settle back to watch.

“Kaworu, my friends would like to get to know my boyfriend better.”

Kaworu’s smile is a mixture of delight and mischief. “Of course, hello,” he says to a stunned Toji and Kensuke. “My name is Kaworu Nagisa, Shinji has told me a lot about you both.”

They stutter and introduce themselves and when class starts up again, Kaworu takes his seat in front of Shinji and smiles to himself the entire time.

*

“We’re sorry.” They’re waiting for Kaworu after swim club that evening.

“What for?” his asks, brushing a comb through his unruly hair.

“For how we acted earlier. We didn’t realise you are actually his boyfriend.”

Kaworu shrugs. “That’s fine. No harm done. Do you know if Shinji’s finished cello practice or if I should wait in the library?” Kaworu had decided to choose his own clubs, the only one he shares with Shinji is their piano time on Thursdays. It’s nice, he thinks, to be his own person and make his own choices - Shinji had been delighted and helped him with the forms.

“You could wait with us? We were going to ask if you and Shinji wanted to come to the arcade with us this evening.”

Kaworu smiles, packs the rest of his things away and turns to them.

“Sounds good, I’d love to go, I’m just not sure if Shinji has any other plans.”

“Right… well, lets go,” Kensuke says, leading the way along to where the practice rooms are. 

Shinji is out within a few minutes and seems surprised to see them all chatting happily together.

Kaworu smiles at him to let him know it’s okay and relays the invitation.

“Um, sure, if you’re sure you want to.”

Kaworu nods. “Should we drop your cello off first?”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll need it on Friday so it’s been locked away.” He takes Kaworu’s hand and the four of them head out of the school.

*

They both apologise to Shinji once they’re in the café next to the arcade but he shrugs it off.

“It’s okay, but I thought that the fact that we arrived at school holding hands might have given it away,” he tells them, keeping the laughter from his voice.

“Ah, we just thought he was a bit needy… and European.”

Shinji raises his eyebrows. “European?”

“Well, yeah,” Toji explains. “I mean, sure he can speak fluent Japanese but you heard him in English class - he’s perfect.”

“English people are typically very reserved,” Kaworu says as he makes his way over. “At least compared to the French, it really depends on who you ask.”

“Right… um, where are you from?” Kesuke asks, sounding slightly nervous.

“All over the place, I’ve lived in Japan but I’ve also lived in England, France and Canada.”

Shinji hides his bemusement. He’s pretty sure he means the moon when he says Canada, he also doesn’t think it’s a fair comparison, but Kaworu is Kaworu, and it’s possible.

“I was holding his hand,” Kaworu starts, Shinji has a feeling that wherever this is going will leave at least one of them embarrassed. “Because I like to do so. You hold hands with Hikari, do you not, Toji?”

“I.. uhh, yeah, yes I do. But usually it’s because she wants to.”

“You don’t want to hold her hand?”

Shinji hides his giggling behind his hand, watching as his friend turns red for the second time that day.

“Well… I… umm..”

“It’s okay to admit you like someone, Toji, why would she be your girlfriend if you didn’t have feelings for each other?”

“Yes, okay, yes. I like her, a lot. We just don’t usually talk about this kind of thing.” 

Kaworu tips his head to one side. “Is this one of those cultural things I keep messing up?” Kaworu asks Shinji - who has one hand firmly clamped over his mouth to muffle his laughter.

He calms himself enough to reply. 

“It’s only been a few weeks, Kaworu, you’ll be fine. Some people just don’t feel comfortable talking about their feelings with other people, even their friends.”

“Oh, I’m sorry if this has made you uncomfortable.”

Toji looks even more embarrassed by this. “No! No, Kaworu, it’s fine. It’s fine. Yes, I hold her hand because I like to do so. And it’s fine to talk about this, I think… we just usually don’t. I didn’t know Shinji was interested in anyone, honestly.”

“I wasn’t,” Shinji admits. “Not before Kaworu. There was that one disastrous date with Asuka which we both laughed about afterwards but that was two years ago.”

Kaworu smiles. “That must have been interesting.”

Shinji, who realises he actually hasn’t told Kaworu about that, looks a bit worried.

“It’s fine, Shinji,” Kaworu reassures him honestly.

“Wow,” Kensuke pipes up. “Um sorry, I’m just… this is all getting very personal this evening.”

“Too much?” Toji asks his friend.

“I don’t know.”

Shinji smiles and finishes his drink. “Let’s head into the arcade, Kaworu, you okay?”

Kaworu nods and stands along with him, letting Toji and Kesuke walk a little in front of them.

“It doesn’t embarrass you, does it? Me holding your hand all the time? We don’t have to do it if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Shinji shakes his head. “I’m not hiding how I feel about you, Kaworu. It seems a little trivial to do so after everything. I know in our past that I’ve been ashamed of feeling the way I do about you.”

“I was an asshole in that life,” Kaworu points out.

“You were, but still, so was I. I’d just rather enjoy being with you than worry that my friends will tease me.” He holds out his hand and Kaworu takes it. “Come on, I want to see if you can use a bit of your magic to nudge one of the prizes over.”

“That’s cheating, and,” Kaworu adds in a lower voice, “I’m not sure I’m supposed to use my powers.”

“It’ll be fine,” Shinji tells him as they catch up to their friends. “You can try it the normal way first if it makes you feel better.”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments and Kudos are seriously very much appreciated ^^


	3. The Cup Overflows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many, many thanks to those of you who've left lovely comments and kudos! seriously makes my day every time!!

Kaworu is seventeen, _seventeen_. He has only reached this age a few times before, so it’s astounding to be this age now. Better than that, his body has aged this time. He’s taller - so is Shinji - and he finally feels like he’s growing up.

He also has a headache that nothing can touch and feels like he’s going to throw up.

“Kaworu?” Shinji asks, poking him from under the covers. At his aunt’s kind insistence he has his own room, but for the most part he and Shinji still sleep in the same bed - they just take turns in each others rooms.

“Everything hurts,” Kaworu complains.

“Are you sick? Kaworu, you never get sick.” Shinji pulls the covers off him and presses a hand to his forehead, then rests his thumbs under Kaworu’s eyes. “They’re blood-shot, Kaworu. What’s wrong?”

“Can you help me get to the garden?” he asks.

“The garden?”

“Yes, please. We’re the only ones in today, right?” Shinji nods. “I feel like if I float us then I’ll end up taking the house with me, please, Shinji.”

“Okay, okay, but I’m calling the girls once you’re there.”

“Fine.”

Shinji hauls him up and manages to get them both downstairs and through the kitchen. 

The garden has high walls and is secluded. His aunt makes an effort to plant flowers and tend to them but she’s been too busy recently and it’s looking a little drab.

“Put me in the shade?” Kaworu requests, sighing when he feels the trunk of the tree at his back and the shade over head.

“Stay here - I mean it - I’m calling Rei.”

Kaworu doesn’t protest, doesn’t try and listen in to the conversation, instead he concentrates on the garden all around him, feels the dwindling life of the plants and pushes his power out into the space. It bursts forth like a tap turned to full blast and he’s enveloped in a jungle of growth within seconds.

“Kaworu!” Shinji calls, fighting his way through the plants. “I don’t know, Rei. He said he wasn’t feeling well and wanted to be in the garden and now it’s like an overgrown forest. Yes. Thank you. Thank you.”

He feels Shinji approach and clears a path for him, levelling half the grass in the process.

“Kaworu,” Shinji says, kneeling down and cupping his face. “Can you look at me?”

He does and it helps, just a little.

“What do you need?”

“Some where to discharge,” he admits.

“I told you you shouldn’t keep your magic bottled up.”

“And I asked you not to call it that.”

“It is Magic, Kaworu. The things you can do are amazing.”

“I’m not so sure your aunt would agree.”

“Can’t you just put it back to normal once we can find somewhere for you to… discharge?”

Kaworu lets Shinji’s voice keep him level enough to answer.

“Maybe. I don’t know.” He thinks he falls asleep after that, thinks he feels Shinji pull him into his arms as he does, but everything is hazy and out of focus.

*

Rei is holding his hand the next time he wakes up. Shinji is a warm weight against his back and the city is streaming past outside the window.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” Asuka comments from the front.

“We’re about ten minutes away, do you think you can hold out that long?” Mari asks from the driver’s seat.

Kaworu nods. Both Rei and Shinji are helping to keep him in check.

Shinji doesn’t say a word for the rest of the drive, just holds onto him and presses his head into his shoulder.

Mari stops once they reach an abandoned plot of land outside the city.

“No one comes here,” she tells them, getting out of the car and opening the door, mindful of Shinji resting against it. “So you can do whatever you need to do. I’m even sure the town residents would appreciate a wild flower garden, if you’re feeling up to it.”

Kaworu allows them all to carry him out of the car and walk him into the centre. They all stand back - aside from Shinji.

“Maybe you should…”

“You didn’t hurt me at home. The only place that didn’t overgrow was the place I was stood. Go on, Kaworu. You know you won’t.”

“Alright, but at least take a step back.”

Shinji does so - reluctantly - but once he has Kaworu closes his eyes, holds out his arms and lets it all go. Feels light gather on the ground and grass start to grow, soil bursting forth, trees…. life, everywhere. He lets it flow and flow until it stops trying to escape and his head clears.

He drops onto his knees, panting, Shinji’s already at his side.

“Better?” Shinji asks, “Only, I can see your wings and I’ve never been able to do that before.”

Kaworu turns and sure enough, the faint outlines of his wings are visible. 

“That’s new. They’ll fade, I just need a bit of time.” He calls the ground up to meet him and rests in the flower circle he creates.

*

“You looked like you were going to punch his lights out when we got to your house,” Asuka comments.

“I still want to,” Shinji tells her. “I’ve told him he needs to use it but he’s afraid of what might happen.”

Asuka laughs. “What? He might accidentally save the bees or something?” Shinji shrugs but she sobers. “You can understand why, though, can’t you?”

“This world isn’t like that,” Shinji mutters, gathering his knees up to his chest.

“I know that and I think he knows that, but he’s seen a lot and he can remember a lot more clearly than you or I or Mari can.”

“But even Rei has said…”

“Perhaps he’s just afraid. Like I was with my mum; even after she got the help she needed. He’s seen what his power was capable of in the past… that kind of thing lingers, Shinji.”

“It can’t linger if it kills him.” 

Asuka can’t decide if he’s angry with himself, scared or just upset.

“Talk to him, once we get you home, okay? Scare him shitless if you think it will help but don’t punch him.” She has a feeling that that action alone would cause some deep, deep damage. But whether that’s instinct or because she’s seen the affects of it before she can’t be sure.

“Okay, Asuka… thank you.”

“No problem, now go and wake your sleeping beauty.”

*

Shinji holds his hand the entire way home and stands with him and he rectifies the mess he made of the garden. He does leave it healthier than he found it in thanks to Shinji’s aunt, but it looks more natural, now.

“You can clean the house while you’re at it,” Shinji tells him when he follows him inside. 

Kaworu nods and does as he’s told, standing in one room at a time and cleaning it from head to toe, tidying things with a swish of his hand or a thought in his head. Once he’s done the whole house he floats down the stairs, makes tea for himself and Shinji and brings it outside.

“You’re angry with me.”

“Did your magic tell you that?”

Kaworu still flinches at the name ‘magic’ but decides he should probably get used to it.

“No, your barely-concealed temper and your clenched fists were all I needed to see.”

He drops down to Shinji’s side and decides against taking this hand.

“You need to use your magic, Kaworu… powers, whatever you want to call it. Aren’t you worried what will happen to you if you don’t? I can’t… I won’t risk losing you because you won’t look after yourself.” Shinji’s blue eyes are raging and his mouth is formed in a scowl. “What if I hadn’t been here this morning? What if my aunt and uncle had been home? Kaworu, look at me.”

His eyes snap back to Shinji’s.

“I won’t lose you again, not this time, do you understand?”

Kaworu’s breath catches in his throat and he nods. Truthfully, he’s not sure what would have happened. He doesn’t think it would have killed him but it could have destroyed the house at the very least.

“I love you, you colossal idiot, I can’t bear the thought of living without you again.”

“Shinji-”

“Don’t. I mean it. Don’t you think that once - just once - it would be nice to spend our lives together?”

“Yes, of course. I just…. I was just…”

Shinji’s anger seems to deflate and he reaches to take hold of both of Kaworu’s hands - he lets him.

“Afraid?”

He nods. “I couldn’t risk someone finding me or wanting to experiment if they learnt what I could do. Even with Mari’s help and all the paperwork and files she’s managed to forge, someone might still come looking.”

Shinji shakes his head. “I really, really don’t think so, Kaworu. That’s not the only thing you’re afraid of, is it?”

“No.”

“You can tell me.”

“I was afraid that I might become… something more… that I might become an angel again and start things over. I’ve been the first before, I’m not always the twelfth or the thirteen or the seventeenth, Shinji. I didn’t want to ruin our happiness.”

“Angels don’t exist in this world,” Shinji says gently. “Do you know how my mother died here?”  
Kaworu shakes his head.

“She went to climb a mountain to find higher meaning, and died jumping from it.”

Kaworu looks up at him in shock. Shinji keeps his focus on their hands instead. 

“My father went to bring her body home but stayed at the mountain side, wanting to be close to her. I haven’t seen or heard from him since. He dropped me off at my aunt and uncle’s and never came home.

“Eva’s and angels… they don’t exist here. Rei was born here and I think that might be because of both who and what she was. I wanted her close and she’s family - albeit distant family - but I don’t know why it took you so long to get here. Maybe this universe was just figuring out how to accommodate you and it took a little longer. It couldn’t eradicate the angel side of you completely so it expressed itself differently. I remember angels and how they looked… even if you were the only one with a human form… you’re not like that now. Could you make gardens grow and clean the house in any other universe?”

Kaworu shakes his head. “No. No, I couldn’t. I could fly and I could float, I could shield things and use an AT field but I was more like a grenade waiting to go off. Things here are… more passive.”

“Asuka says you should save the bees.” He’s rubbing his thumbs over Kaworu’s palms as he speaks. “It was Mari who suggested you could clean the house.”

Kaworu chuckles. “Wise suggestion.”

“Do you think it will work?” Shinji asks, looking at him again. “Using your magic in small quantities like this.”

Kaworu nods. “Yes, it feels better when I do and there is…. there is a part of me that hates not using it.”

“Then use it, please. For one thing it will mean I don’t have to worry about it and it also means we don’t really need to do any of the house work, not in the usual boring way we have been doing it.”

Kaworu bends to rest their foreheads together. 

“I could also put more wildflowers in places bees will need them.”

Shinji huffs out a laugh. “You could.”

“Shinji?”

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?” he asks.

“You don’t usually ask permission,” Shinji replies.

“I know, but I don’t want to kiss you if you’re still angry with me.”

“I’m not, and you can.”

“Good.” He closes the distance and presses his lips against Shinji’s, kissing him soft and warm, then opening his mouth to him and taking it deeper. Shinji lets go of one of his hands so that they can both hold onto each other better as they get closer.

Shinji ends up in his lap, kissing him senseless and holding, then pressing him down onto the step.

Kaworu does two things - checks to see if Shinji’s aunt and uncle are anywhere close to home - they’re not - then puts up a kind of shield around them to protect them from sight whilst they’re out there.

“I can feel that,” Shinji comments. “You can also use your magic for that, too.”

Kaworu smiles against his mouth and ruffles his hair, allowing Shinji to rest on top of him and resume the kissing.

*

“How much do you remember?” Shinji asks a few nights later. His aunt and uncle are away at the festival of the town they came from. Kaworu and Shinji both kindly declined the invitation in favour of some time alone together.

“Almost everything, even the things I can’t comprehend properly.”

“The other angels?”

Kaworu tenses but Shinji reaches for his hand under the covers. 

They’re in Kaworu’s room tonight. His room is mostly filled with books and sheet music, his stand and violin rest carefully stored away in one corner. It was a present they’d all clubbed together to buy for him on his first birthday here; the previous one he’d been using was nowhere near his level and it had hurt Shinji that Kaworu couldn’t play as he wanted to.

“No, they were who they were, so linked into their nature that they were almost mindless with determination. I meant Seele.”

“If it hurts we don’t have to talk about it.”

“I know, but we also shouldn’t just ignore things because they make us sad,” Kaworu reminds him gently. Probably guessing where Shinji’s thoughts are going.

“What did they to do you?”

“In all honestly they didn’t do too much more than your father did to you - at least in those time lines - but they were more consistent and better at it. I knew what I was from the moment they told me of my true nature and I hated myself.”

“I think….” Shinji says tentatively. “That I found your scars that time, they were all the way up your arms.”

Kaworu closes his eyes and nods. “A very large part of me is glad I didn’t find out how I could be killed until I met you. I was nothing but a weapon that time, at least until we met.”

“It’s horrible to think of the damage I caused you.”

Kaworu shakes his head. “It wasn’t like that. I wouldn’t have kept coming back for you after that if I didn’t want to. I knew, then, remember, how to eliminate myself.”

“How did you love me so much so quickly?” Shinji asks, wary of how dark this conversation has become, and yet, and yet it doesn’t hurt him to talk like this. There is a kind of overriding detachment from the memories of their past lives or existence or universes - whatever they are. He knows they happened and sometimes he can feel every emotion associated with it but it’s not a new wound or a new pain.

“Because I could understand you. Because you were everything I’d ever wanted.”

“Kaworu.”

“What? It’s true.” Kaworu laughs and tugs Shinji a little closer, holding him in the loose circle of his arms. “Did I ever tell you my name? My angelic name?”

“No…. I don’t think you ever did.”

“Tabris. Which, depending on the translation, is either the angel of free will, or the angel of betrayal.”

Shinji smiles. “I suppose that just depends whose side you're on. I imagine Seele would call you the latter. So might some of the other angels.”

Kaworu smiles and kisses Shinji’s temple. “My thoughts exactly.”


	4. Navigating Social Customs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every single comment has made me smile - many thanks for the kudos as well!!!  
> Double update btw because I haven't been able to post any for several days.

Kaworu has one hand down Shinji’s trousers and the other on the wall behind him.

“This is not,” Shinji pants out against his neck, “what I meant when I said I wanted you to surprise me on my eighteenth birthday.”

“You’re surprised, aren’t you?” Kaworu says, finally wiggling free of his own trousers and using his magic to push Shinji’s down.

“Oh, oh… that tingles.” Shinji arches into the feeling.

Kaworu smiles and kisses him. “Which part?”

“Smart arse. Ah, oh, oh that feels good.” Shinji grabs at Kaworu’s back and pulls him closer until they’re almost standing flush with each other. “It’s just… we’ve never… ahh, done this before and this isn’t, um… the most typical of, um…”

Kaworu stops and lets go. “If I’m doing something you don’t like then we can stop.”

Shinji looks scandalised and grabs his hand to put it back exactly where it was. “That’s not what I meant but please, you can keep going.”

“You don’t need to worry,” Kaworu tells him, breathing the words against his neck. “No-one can hear us, no one is going to interrupt us and I can clean us both up afterwards.”

“Speaking of both, can’t you move so that I can.…” Kaworu does as Shinji asks, but loses his pace when Shinji closes his hand around his erection.

“Shinji,” he warns.

“What? It’s my birthday. Drop our underwear, I want to try something.”

Kaworu uses his magic to do so, delighting in Shinji’s groan of pleasure when he does.

“Let me wrap my legs around you, yes, yes like that,” he pants as Kaworu hoists him up and backs him against the wall properly to keep him upright. He starts rolling his hips up, grinding them both together, and Kaworu cries out, leaning closer and placing hot messy kisses on Shinji’s face.

“I’m going to…” Shinji tips his head forwards at the same moment he holds them as closely together as he can. Seconds later he’s coming with Kaworu’s name leaving him breathless.

Kaworu thrusts a few more times and joins him, taken over by the pleasure of it. He uses magic to keep them upright, letting the feel of Shinji in his arms ground him through his orgasm.

“That was…” Shinji pants… “Absolutely the best birthday surprise ever.’

“Thank you,” Kaworu says, kissing him as he cleans them both up - so well in fact that they both look - and feel - freshly showered.

“We do have to meet everyone in twenty minutes, though.”

“And we will.” Kaworu nuzzles Shinji’s neck then steps back from his bedroom wall. “Mari will be here to pick us up in ten minutes, you have time to finish getting ready.”

“I thought we were meeting them there.”

Kaworu smiles. “You also thought I woke you up because I’d had a nightmare at four o'clock this morning.”

Shinji flushes with the memory, Kaworu can only feel happiness radiating from him.

“That was also worth it, even if I almost feel asleep this afternoon.”

“You can sleep after dinner - and inevitably a visit to the arcade - I’ve even saved your actual present until we’re with everyone else. I might not know social customs as  
well as others but I do know that sex in public is very, very rarely appreciated, and I don’t want to share you like that.”

Shinji hugs him and laughs. “I certainly don’t want to share you, either.”

*

Dinner is nice and attended by all of his friends. They do head out to the arcade and, once he’s deemed he has spent enough money, Kaworu does work his magic on a couple of figures he wants. Asuka and Mari - who can win them without assistance - roll their eyes at him. But Rei smiles in appreciation when he uses his magic for her, too.

“You look extra happy this evening,” Mari comments when they head to a café for crepes and desert.

“I _am_ extra happy this evening.”

“It would be sickening if you didn’t deserve it so much.” Mari bumps her shoulder with his.

“Thank you, Mari.”

“Eh, you’re always welcome, Kaworu. But what exactly did you get him for his birthday?”

“A new jumper and a couple of books I know he’s been secretly looking for but not able to find. I also got him the bracelet he’s wearing.” He shrugs. “They’re his favourite colours and they came in a set so I can wear one too.”

“As I said, it would be sickening if you were other people.”

Shinji comes over to them and drops himself down next to Kaworu.

“Had a good birthday?” Mari asks him.

“Yes, very good. Thank you for the game, I’m sure I’ll enjoy it.”

“You’re welcome. Do you have any plans for the weekend?” she asks, laughing when Shinji turns dark red and suddenly can’t look at Kaworu.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll be able to enjoy that after tomorrow. Are you both still coming away with us over the summer?”

Shinji coughs and settle himself down. Kaworu bites his lip to stop himself from laughing.

“Yes. My aunt and uncle have said it’s fine and I’ve never been to Okinawa before.”

“Neither have I,” Kaworu adds. “Sounds like fun.”

Mari goes over to the others after a while, leaving Kaworu and Shinji alone together.

“Am I really your plan for the weekend?” Kaworu asks cheekily.

“Yes. Of course you are. All those lifetimes and we never got to experience this and, well, any of this, to be honest. Might also help you burn off some of that excess energy as well.”

Kaworu laughs and slings his arm around Shinji’s shoulders.

“I look forwards to it. Do you want to go home? I think Rei and Hikari are also worn out, I don’t think there will be any objections if we call it a night.”

“Are you sure?” Shinji asks.

“Yes, of course.”

*

They do go home, but after half an hour of just sitting in the front room and cuddling, Shinji sits up.

“Can we go out?”

Kaworu nods. “Where?”

“I don’t mind. Just… somewhere.”

“Okay.”

They grab their shoes and things and head out. Shinji keeps a particularly tight hold of Kaworu’s hand and leans into him as they walk.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes… I just didn’t want to go to sleep yet.”

They end up in an open-air square with trees on either side and with strip lights surrounding all the walk-ways. There’s a café in one corner and few stands in another. It’s not too late, Kaworu supposes, and people gathering like this doesn’t seem to be too uncommon - especially this time of year.

Kaworu sits down on an empty bench and Shinji settles down, resting his head on Kaworu’s chest.

“I think I accidentally told my aunt and uncle that we’re engaged at breakfast this morning,” Shinji says after they’ve been sat there for a while.

Kaworu, not entirely sure what he’s supposed to say to that, settles on voicing the first thought that pops into his head. “Are we?”

“Kaworu….” Shinji sounds both exasperated and amused. Kaworu thinks he’s personally become responsible for that tone of voice.

“You already know I love you and want to spend my life with you and you’ve told me you feel the same way, so I suppose… we might be. Are we?”

“That depends on your definition of engaged.”

“Is this a cultural thing again? I’ve lived here for over three years and I still can’t get my head around it,” Kaworu admits, feeling a little more socially inept than usual.

Shinji sits up and turns on the bench to face Kaworu.

“We’re more of a special case. I don’t think there are too many people - Toji and Hikari excluded - that know they’ve found the person they want to spend their life with when they’re fifteen,” Shinji explains.

“Oh.”

“And they’re also not getting engaged any time soon, I think they’ve just quietly decided.”

Kaworu smiles a little ruefully. “Don’t worry, I won’t say anything.”

Shinji puts his hand on his shoulder. “I know you won’t. Anyway, I know we’re planning on spending our lives together, even if the reasons we know are a little unusual.”

“A little?” Kaworu teases. “You literally brought me here so that we could.”

Shinji smiles. “I know. That’s actually sort of why I think I confused them this morning.”

“What did you say?”

“They wished me happy birthday and they were talking about the fact that we’re going to the same university and what I was planning to do afterwards… I mentioned that we’d probably look for a house or flat of our own at that point and take it from there. I mean, it wasn’t that I said anything specific about it, but I don’t know if they know how much we love each other.”

Kaworu blinks. “It’s not hard to miss. They know we share a bed and we don’t hide our affection from them, no more than we would our friends.”

Shinji smiles. “I know, but they don’t hear any strange noises in the night - which okay, until very recently is because there haven’t been any, and the ones they might hear you can block out… or maybe they thought we’d drift apart or something… I don’t know. They were just shocked at my certainty that I’d be with you. When they asked me about it I said ‘why wouldn’t I be with Kaworu?’ and they asked if they should congratulate me on our engagement.”

“What did you say?” Kaworu asks.

“I was so speechless I couldn’t say anything, then they acted completely normally over breakfast once you’d joined us.”

“Oh. Does this mean we need to get married? I was planning on waiting until we’d at least left university before proposing.”

Shinji smiles at him and giggles a bit, covering his mouth with his hand. “That’s what I mean. We don’t have to be engaged to be certain we’re going to get married at some point. I’d rather get engaged when it’s time to plan a wedding.”

“Does this mean we have to tell them?”

“Only if you promise to do it in your I’m-going-to-pretend-I-don’t-know-about-any-customs-at-all-even-the-ones-I-do-understand-way. I love watching it when you do that - even more so than when you really don’t understand it.”

“You can tell?” Kaworu asks.

“I can always tell,” Shinji says, leaning in and kissing him. “It’s aways like you’re letting me in on your little secret whenever it happens.”

Kaworu smiles. “Maybe I am.” He frowns for a moment and figures he may as well ask. “Just to check, when we are old enough and I can propose, do I need to get rings? Are there other things I’m not aware about?” he asks.

Shinji laughs and rearranges himself to lie along the bench with his head on Kaworu’s lap so he can look up at him.

“We should get each other rings, maybe even find a matching set, I don’t know. I love how certain you are that you’ll be the one to propose,” Shinji teases.

Kaworu smiles down at him taking hold of one of his hands and holding it close to his heart.

“We should both do it, I think, go out and choose them so we don’t end up with two sets.”

“But after university.”

“Yes,” Kaworu agrees.

Shinji looks up at him so Kaworu lets him look for whatever answers he’s searching for. “Unless you do want to get married now? I just don't want to rush everything.”

Kaworu shakes his head, touched by Shinji’s honesty.

“No, I like that we’re taking our time. I am glad that you didn’t insist on sticking to no sex before marriage, though. That one might have been a challenge.”

Shinji laughs. “No, I think we waited the right amount of time for that. I’m also not going to insist we needlessly put something off either, okay?”

Kaworu kisses his hand. “Okay.”

*

“Kaworu,” Shinji’s aunt says the next morning at breakfast.

“Yes?” he answers.

“Where did you get that plastic ring from?” she asks.

“Oh, this?” Kaworu says, casting a brief glance at the clear purple glittery ring. “ Shinji won it at the arcade.”

“And he gave it to you?”

He smiles up at her. “It is my favourite colour.” He goes back his breakfast, keeping his face the picture of amused indifference as he eats another slice of toast.

“Did Shinji say anything else when he gave it to you?” She’s sat down across from him at the table now.

“No, not really, he just took my hand, put it on and kissed me.” This is all actually true… aside from the fact it happened on Kaworu’s birthday last year and he’d been keeping the ring in a desk drawer to stop it getting damaged. He was well aware - then and now - that it isn’t an engagement ring but it _does_ belong to his favourite character from the show it comes from and he really, really doesn't want to risk losing it.

“Sweetheart.” He lets this grab his attention as she very rarely calls either of them that.

“Yes?”

She bites her lip. “Are you and Shinji… are you engaged?”

Kaworu blinks at her. “Not at the moment.”

“Not at the moment.”

“Yes. We’re not currently engaged.”

“Is it because you’re waiting until you can afford a nicer ring?”

Kaworu shakes his head. “It’s because we’re not planning on getting married for a few years, we’re a little young, don’t you think?”

“But you are… you are actually planning on marrying him?”

“Of course, I want to spend my life with him.” He can feel Shinji blushing from where he’s watching - hidden from his aunt’s sight - in the hallway.

“Kaworu… how do I put this… you’re very young, both of you, and though I know you’re both going to the same university, you are doing different subjects.”

“We’ll still be living together and a few of our friends are coming too. That’s the good thing about living in Tokyo; there are plenty of excellent universities here and most of us are attending the same one.”

“What I’m trying to say, Kaworu, is that I know you feel that way now but it’s okay if you and Shinji change your minds.”

Kaworu keeps his eyes on his toast and wonders what approach to take here. He can understand her concerns, he’s sure Toji and Hikari’s parents would have similar conversations with them and maybe they would be more valid. But his love for Shinji is very literally eternal and it’s mutual. There have been lifetimes where they yelled at each other, where they’ve almost hated each other but they were early on and few and far between. He can’t tell her any of that, though.

“I know it is. And I’m not asking you to believe it but you thought we were engaged when you saw this ring. You can’t be too surprised that our getting married is a possibility.”

She looks at him for a long time and he keeps his face neutral throughout.

“No, I suppose not.” She stands from the table. “Have a good day at school and we’ll see you on Monday afternoon.”

“Enjoy your weekend,” he says with a sincere smile, and as soon as he can he leaves the table, removes the shield from Shinji and takes them both up the stairs.

They make it to Shinji’s room before they both burst out laughing, hugging and kissing each other and resting against the wall.

“You are wonderful,” Shinji tells him. “I would have been so flustered.”

“From the sounds of it you dealt with it well enough yesterday. I don’t think she’s going to ask us about it again.” Kaworu revels in the feel of Shinji’s hand running through his hair, but they don’t have much time to enjoy it. “We need to go to school.” Shinji makes a noise of protest. “We have a performance this afternoon and unusually a whole weekend off.”

Shinji giggles. “I love unexpected holiday weekends.”

“And we’ll make the most of it.” Kaworu presses kisses to Shinji’s face, then backs away, removing his ring and placing it on Shinji’s desk. He shields it and Shinji laughs.

“You could wear it,” Shinji suggests with a teasing smile.

He shakes his head. “You know that if I did there would be an engagement party planned before we left school today and I’m not in the mood to explain to all of our friends why I’m wearing it.”

Shinji smiles. “Fair enough, come on.”

Kaworu takes his hand and follows him out the door.

 

***


	5. Smashing The Watermelon

“I’m sorry, could someone explain this tradition to me,” Kaworu asks, pointing to the large watermelon on the deck of their Okinawa accommodation. It’s bundled up with everything they’re about to take down to the beach.

“No point asking me,” Mari tells him. “I only moved here for high school and it seemed rude to ask.”

“It’s just tradition. You can’t play though,” Asuka warns him.

“Why?” 

“Because you can smash that thing in half with or without a blindfold and that would be cheating,” she tells him, sticking her tongue out, then going to fetch the drinks from the fridge to put them in the cooler.

“It’s just one of those things, Kaworu.” Shinji pops a kiss on top of his head as he comes down the stairs past him. “The big mat is so that when Asuka smashes it it doesn’t all get covered in sand.”

“We were twelve!” Asuka calls in defence.

“You were a very strong twelve year old,” Rei comments, turning to Kaworu to explain. “It went everywhere. Her mother hand to go and buy us another one because it was unsalvageable. I hope she’s refined her technique but we have you if she hasn’t.”

Kaworu nods. “True. I’ll make it look as inconspicuous as possible.”

Rei smiles and Kaworu stands to follow her.

They bring big umbrellas and everything they’ll need for the day. It’s just the five of them - Hikari and Toji have gone away with her parents and Kensuke had other plans - which means they can talk freely about things without worrying they’ll alienate their friends.

“You’re going to tell me you don’t need to wear sunscreen,” Asuka grumbles, sitting down next to Kaworu on the large beach towels they’ve laid out.

“I used to wear it but Shinji has wisely advised me to use my magic to protect me, it helps control any unneeded build up. I can do the same to you, if you like? I’ve already made sure Rei and Shinji are covered.”

Asuka bites her lip. “Are you sure?”

Kaworu nods. “Yes. There will still be plenty left for the bees.”

Her eyes go a bit wide at that. “The bees?”

“Yes. Shinji suggested I create wild flowers that bees like wherever and whenever I can. He said you’d said it would be a good idea and I do want to help them. They’re a very important species.”

“You’re unbelievable,” she comments.

“I can’t tell if you mean that or you’re being sarcastic.”

“I think both of those are valid interpretations.” She laughs and Kaworu laughs along with her. “But in all seriousness, thank you - on behalf of the bees.” She shakes her head. “You really are a wonder, aren’t you, Kaworu.”

He shrugs. “I try.”

“Go on then, do your thing.”

Kaworu smiles. “It’ll last for about 8 hours and you’ll still get all your vital vitamins from sunlight … do you want any tan at all? Or are you like me and burn to a crisp in the sun?”

“Unfortunately I burn to a crisp. It’s embarrassing.”

Kaworu places his fingers on her wrist and lets his magic wash over her in a cool wave.

“There, all done.”

“Thank you, Kaworu.”

“You’re welcome.” He smiles and stays sitting on the towel.

“Aren’t you coming?” Asuka asks.

“I will. I just want to watch the waves for a bit.”

Asuka drops back down at his side. “Not been to a beach this time around, huh?”

Kaworu shakes his head. “No, just lakes and rivers and Tokyo Bay. Our summer holidays are usually to visit the place his aunt and uncle come from, though last year we did go to the Sapporo snow festival in the winter as well.”

“The three of us used to sit on a beach and stare at the waves of hours when we were younger. None of the adults could understand why and we didn’t remember anything back then,” Asuka says.

“When did you start to remember?”

“Me? Well… I think around about the time we started middle school. I remember being confused about recognising the uniform and some of our teachers, then there were the people we met - Hikari for example. We became friends really quickly, it wasn’t until later I realised why.”

“So… before I arrived?” Kaworu asks.

“For me, yes. Shinji didn’t remember a thing until he met you, did he?”

Kaworu shakes his head. “No, nothing at all, but he only remembered me for a while after that. The rest came in the months that followed.”

“You know, I think Rei has always sort of known.”

“What do you mean?”

Asuka smiles, opening a drink bottle and taking a sip. “She’s never really been surprised by things. It’s like she’s subconsciously waiting for people to appear and when they do she’s already come to accept it.”

“A slightly calmer approach than Mari’s.”

“What? Modifying the school records so that she made sure she was in our class at high school - and that were were all together.” He doesn’t blame her for that, it had taken her longer to get to them and longer to remember. Though he knows it wasn’t until her family moved to Japan that she’d remembered at all.

“And the whole miss me? stunt she pulled that first evening. It was a good thing we all remembered by that point.”

Kaworu laughs, amused by the memory. “Yes, it was.” He takes the bottle of grape soda Asuka hands him and waves to Shinji, who's a bit lower down on the beach with Mari and Rei. “I’m glad she’s here, I was worried she wouldn’t be.”

“Like Misato?” Asuka asks and Kaworu looks at her. She seems sad. 

“She’s here.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Shinji asked Mari to look her up last year, I think he felt guilty. Last time… towards the end he was hurt and angry with what she had put him through. I think he’d started to blame himself.”

“I would say that that’s not like him, but what I really mean is that it’s not like Shinji _now_. We’re all different, now that we’re allowed to be ourselves without being manipulated.”

Kaworu smiles at her. She really is a wonderful friend to them all. 

“Go on. You’re doing that happy smile again and I appreciate it but I’d like to know what happened to Misato.”

“Sorry. She ended up moving to Germany after university, she works at one of their top universities now and she’s married to Kaji. By all accounts she seems happy, they even have a dog and two cats.”

“Huh. Good for her.”

“I think…” Kaworu hesitates but then continues. “I think Shinji just wished for a world without angels, a world with no Dead Sea Scrolls, no complications. And this is what we have.”

“With one exception.”

“Me.”

“Of course it was you. I didn’t know you very often before this world but I knew Shinji loved you and surely no one could miss how much you loved him.”

“Shinji thinks the universe waited until it knew it could accommodate me, or because he wouldn’t wait any longer…. either way, I’m here because he wanted it.”

“And because you want him.”

Kaworu smiles. “Always.”

Asuka shakes her head but it’s fond and not exasperated. “Come on, lets go for a swim. I think the others are getting restless.

“Okay.”

*

“Can we have sex like this?” Shinji asks, panting down at Kaworu on the flat top roof of their holiday home.

“It would appear that we’re already halfway there,” Kaworu comments, having been kissed and fondled almost senseless for the past half an hour. He’s given as good as he’s gotten but because their encounters don’t always end in sex he finds its better not to assume.

“Is that a yes?”

Kaworu groans - thankful he’s already soundproofed their activities - when Shinji sucks another mark onto his neck.

“Yes it’s a yes. There’s lube in the bag with the sweets.”

Shinji laughs and shakes his head. “That’s inconspicuous.”

“That was the point.”

Kaworu removes their swim shorts and prepares himself. It’s a nice trick that he’s been practicing. He’s not brave enough to use it on Shinji, but he has perfectly serviceable fingers for such occasions so it’s fine. This is just quicker, Kaworu gets the feeling that they’re not aiming for slow and steady tonight.

“How does it feel when you do that?” Shinji asks him, settling himself back over Kaworu and stroking his erection.

“It tingles,” he says, his voice broken by a series of heavy gasps for breath. “And it does feel nicer when you do it, but what you’re about to do is even better.” He rolls his hips up off the ground to make a point and presses their mouths together for a deep and wonderful kiss.

Shinji lubes himself up and slides home, watching Kaworu’s face intently as he does it.

“It doesn’t hurt,” Kaworu reminds him, stroking his cheek. He waits until he’s all the way inside before wrapping his legs around Shinji’s waist and holding him close. “I love this, being locked together like this for a little while.” Shinji’s eyes shine like galaxies in the dark, like the heavens above them all contained inside the person he loves.

Shinji gives him a tender smile and kisses him wonderfully slow and deep. At some point he also starts to move inside him, his stomach brushing Kaworu’s erection whenever he moves. It’s not the fast pace to the finish line he’d been expecting but it’s no less brilliant.

“Is this okay?” Shinji asks him, his breath is warm against Kaworu’s cheek and his eyes are still shining brightly.

“Yes, of course it is.” Kaworu grips onto his back after Shinji makes a series of lovely thrusts that hit just the right places. 

Shinji giggles and does it again and Kaworu - at the most wonderful sort of mercy - enjoys it, squeezing down unexpectedly to feel Shinji groan in his ear.

“How close are you?” Shinji asks.

“I don’t think it matters,” Kaworu says with affection. “Just keeping going.”

“Okay, okay.” Shinji does and his orgasm builds like a slow crescendo so that when he does come, it washes over him like a wave, leaving him boneless and happy in its wake. 

Shinji is panting above him and biting his lip, thrusting a little faster, his movements a bit more erratic. When he comes their eyes lock and Kaworu watches all the emotion cross his face.

“You really are beautiful,” he tells Shinji, once he’s collapsed back onto Kaworu’s chest.

It’s the work of seconds to clean them up and bring a blanket to rest on top of them.

“So are you,” Shinji whispers, kissing Kaworu’s chest. “What’s it like?” he asks a few moments later.

“What’s what like?” Kaworu replies, stroking his hand up and down Shinji’s back.

“Sometimes, when we’re having sex or just lying together it feels like I can… this might sound really stupid but you’ve never cared about that before.”

“I haven’t.”

“It feels like I can feel your heart and it gets overwhelming - in a good way - but overwhelming none the less. It’s not your magic, I know how that feels, so, is it you heart, Kaworu?”

Kaworu thinks about his answer, squeezing Shinji closer and looking up into the stars to try and think of a way to explain.

“No matter what we say, or how we explain it, I’m still part angel and, though my magic has changed form in this world, my heart… remains what it was. I’ve gotten very good at protecting it from the emotions of so many people, because I can feel them if I let go and it’s overwhelming. But when I’m with you it… I trust you so much that sometimes I think the barrier gets a little thinner. That’s probably what you can feel.”

“So you have a high emotional intelligence, huh.”

Kaworu chuckles. “You could call it that. There are not many ways in which myself and Rei are similar here but this is one of them.”

“Do you think you could ever let me feel it?” Shinji asks.

“I don’t know how safe that would be for you,” Kaworu admits.

“You haven’t hurt me so far and you can close the connection if it gets too much can’t you?”

“Yes… but, Shinji, you’ve never mentioned this before. Why now?”

“I wasn’t sure what it was or if I was imagining it. Which I know sounds stupid given how close we are but… it’s okay if you can’t, it really is. It’s just that it would go both ways, right? And I know that you know how much I love you but I want to show you just how much and most people can’t do this… We might be the only ones who can.”

“I can try,” Kaworu says, somewhat moved. “If you want to. But if you pass out then we don’t do it again, okay?”

Shinji scrambles to sit up and Kaworu follows him, he holds his hands and concentrates. Focusses on Shinji, on seeing into his heart and opening his up in return.

It’s intense to say the very least, to be exposed to such pure emotion and feeling… It takes his breath away and he’s sure his wings must be showing. It’s as though for these brief moments Shinji is entangled with his entire being, and it’s glorious, utterly glorious.

He closes the connection the moment he feels the edges of Shinji’s consciousness waver and it leaves them both panting, heads resting together and hands held tightly.

“That is how you were able to bring me back,” Kaworu pants. “Is that what you wanted me to see?” he asks, breathless and heady with the lingering warmth.

Shinji smiles but he’s still so out of breath that all he does is nod.

After a minute or two he does find his voice. “I think so, yes. I didn’t know it would feel like that though.”

“Are you okay?” Kaworu asks, lifting Shinji’s face up so he can get a good look at him.

“Yes, I promise… that was.. that was intense.”

This makes Kaworu laugh. “I did say it would be.”

They settle back down on the blanket Kaworu made into a mattress and pillows the moment they got to the roof, and pull the other blanket on top of them.

“Can we sleep up here too?” Shinji asks.

“I thought that was the idea in the first place,” Kaworu teases, kissing Shinji when he lifts his head to protest. “Good night, Shinji.”

He gives up and settles back down.

“Good night, Kaworu.”

***


	6. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your comments and kudos!!!!

Shinji waits in the airport arrivals lounge, his knees bumping against his hands with his nerves. Asuka and Rei had both said they’d come with him but he hasn’t seen Kaworu for a month and he doesn’t feel like sharing this reunion with the others just yet.

He knows his plane has already landed and Kaworu text him to let him know he’s just waiting for his suitcase then he’ll be right out.

Still. The anticipation is mounting.

The doors at the airport are annoyingly opaque, so he has to wait until Kaworu comes through them without any indication of when that will be.

When he does, Shinji is up like a shot and catches Kaworu as he - and his suitcase - dash towards him. Within seconds Kaworu is wrapped around him and he’s being picked up and squeezed. Inwardly Shinji is amused by this - they’ve grown up to be almost the same height - though Kaworu is still an inch taller.

“Oh, Shinji, I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too, Kaworu.”

Kaworu lowers him to the floor slowly, meeting his mouth in a kiss on the way down. 

Shinji follows when Kaworu moves away but he obliges him, nudging their noses together and kissing him with delight.

“Is there anyone at home?” he asks, finally stepping back to take hold of his suitcase handle. It and his violin case have stayed perfectly upright.

“No, it’s just us until Wednesday.”

Kaworu smiles slowly, knowing he understands.

Shinji picks up his violin and takes Kaworu’s hand, leading him out of the airport to the rail connections and home.

*

“Did you get any sleep on the flight?” Shinji asks, noting how Kaworu immediately rested his head on his shoulder the moment they got on the train.

“About five hours. Mari came to see my last concert and we stayed up pretty late before my flight back.”

“How is she?”

“She’s fine. She was only in Paris for a few days to see me. She’s spending the rest of her time with her mum and family in England. She’ll be back in a few weeks. She also sends her love.”

“I’m glad she went to see you. How was it?”

Kaworu chuckles and rubs his face in Shinji’s neck.

“We talked almost everyday when I was there.”

“I know, but still.” (Kaworu knows exactly what Shinji means, sometimes it’s nicer to relay things face to face, or at least shoulder to face.)

“It was amazing to play music on that level surrounded by so much talent from around the world and I am honoured I was chosen, and I’m so happy that I was a part of it, but, I missed you and I missed home.”

Shinji offers his hand and Kaworu takes it. 

It’s just late enough in the morning that all of the busy commuters are gone and it’s just them and a few others in the carriages.

“I’ve heard some of your performances, they let you download them through the website. Kaworu, you sound amazing.”

“Thank you.”

“I mean it.”

“I know you do.” He yawns and Shinji looks down to see the faint blush on his cheeks. “But unless it’s in Japan next year I’m going to decline the invitation.”

“Kaworu…”

“It wasn’t just because I was separated from you, I’ll explain when we get home, okay?”

“Okay.” 

Kaworu runs his fingers over Shinji’s hand the whole way home and insists they stop in Family Mart, Lawson and Seven Eleven on their way.

*

Once they’re through the door he drops his things and goes straight to the garden, he presses his hand to the ground and lets the flowers bloom forth. The grass flourishes and the leaves on the trees shine with the energy he gives them.

Shinji stands in the doorway of the garden but doesn’t disturb him. Kaworu knows him well enough to know he’s trying to stop himself from worrying, reminding himself that he won’t let his magic pile up again. Not like he once did.

“Feel better?” Shinji asks carefully when Kaworu comes back into the house.

“I do now,” he says with a smile, folding Shinji into his arms and rubbing his back. “I really have missed you very much.”

“I’ve had to do all the housework without you. I’d forgotten how hard it is.”

Kaworu laughs. “That’s next on my list after this.”

“Good.”

They stand together for a while, Kaworu’s not sure how long for - he doesn’t really care either - before they step back and he gets to work.

Room by room, one at a time, he keeps going until the house is spotless and his magic feels properly back under control. He unpacks in the same manner, keeping his gifts to one side and sending them to the table down stairs. 

When he comes back down, changed and refreshed, he invites Shinji to sit with him, gives him his souvenirs and surrounds himself with his presence. He also helps himself to melon buns and chocolate rolls. He knows most of his fellow music students in Paris would shun him for preferring this to the array of wonderful pastries and delicacies he’d been privy to over there… but they’re not here to judge him.

“Thank you, Kaworu. For all of it.”

“You’re welcome.” 

“Do you mind if I…” Shinji trails off, crawling into Kaworu’s lap and settling down. He slides his hands between Kaworu and the sofa and only stops moving when they’re sitting flush together. “I’ve hated sleeping without you. For the past five years you’ve always been next to me or in the next room at the very least. I”m so glad you had a good time, but-”

“It’s okay, I’ve missed you too. Sleeping without you has been awful. I used my magic to turn the ceiling of my room into the night sky so I could at least pretend I was sleeping under the stars but it didn’t really help. I don't want to get used to not having you nearby again.” He wonders if it’s the combined pain of so many horrible separations or just what everyone who loves each other feels when they’re parted for so long. Either way, although a month is nothing compared to the lifetimes they have spent separated, Kaworu doesn’t want to be away for so long in the future.

“But you said that wasn’t the only reason.”

“No. I learnt so much, so much and I played violin and piano until my hands were sore and I was all played out almost everyday, but, Shinji, the most important thing I learnt was that I can’t stand playing anything I can’t _feel_. Some of the pieces were just so empty or so unnecessarily loud that I hated them. I would have to play other pieces just to get over the empty feeling.”

“So you don’t want to join an orchestra when you graduate?” Shinji asks. 

“No, I can’t imagine anything worse. Which leaves me with no idea what I am going to do.” He’s not too bothered about it, he has plenty of time yet and he’s still not quite over the fact that he _can_ choose.

“Well I’m not sure what I want to do either. I think being an astronomer would be really boring…”

“There will be something, Shinji, for both of us.”

“Hmm, true. There is always translation work, if we’re really desperate.”

Kaworu chuckles warmly and rubs Shinji’s back. 

“Can we still play together?” Shinji asks a little while later. They’re both part of the university’s orchestra and Shinji hasn’t ever stopped playing cello.

“Yes, we can play something in a bit, if you like?” He yawns. “Would you mind if I have a nap first?”

“Here or upstairs?”

“Wherever you want,” Kaworu says, then yawns again.

Shinji leads him to bed where he promptly crashes out, Shinji staying close by the entire time he sleeps.

*

Asuka and Rei drop in the next morning and the four of them head out into Tokyo.

Kaworu isn’t ashamed to admit that he wants to spend the day going to all the places he’s missed and - when Shinji points out that that’s a lot for one day - they agree to make it a two day thing. 

They head to Tokyo Tower so that they can look out on the city, they all spend far too much money in Akihabara.

By the time they’ve got to Ikebukura it’s evening, so they take their time getting food and walking around.

“I loved speaking French,” Kaworu tells them over okinomiyaki. “But I missed speaking Japanese… it’s strange how that works but I did. At least when Mari came I could speak a little, but she insisted on speaking English and French and we both got a little confused.”

Asuka rolls her eyes but pats his shoulder in sympathy. “We’ve all been there… though with German for me. My English is okay but it’s not as good as yours.”

They sit and chat and talk about normal things and let the evening and the next day all pass in the same way.

*

By the time Kaworu and Shinji get back on Tuesday night they are happy but exhausted.

Kaworu, full of the happiness of the music on their stereo, takes Shinji by the hand and brings him into the living room, using a quick flick of his hand to move the table out of the way.

“Dance with me?” he asks, aware that Shinji isn’t really too fond. But they are alone and no one can see them but each other. “I’ll lead,” he adds at the unsure expression on Shinji’s face. “And you can’t possibly step on my feet.”

Shinji laughs, allowing Kaworu to move his hands and arms into a loose dance hold then start to sway them.

“If you don’t literally lift me off my feet I will be disappointed.”

“I believe the term is sweep you,” Kaworu says with a wink.

“If you sweep me I’m not going to agree to this ever again,” Shinji warns.

Kaworu stands a bit closer and does float them off the floor, moving his body in time to the music and bringing Shinji with him.

“Good?” he asks, not expecting an answer.

“Perfect.”

He laughs lightly and rests his cheek against Shinji’s.

“I mean it.”

Kaworu leans back a bit to look at him properly and lets him read the question in his eyes.

“I don’t like dancing with you because I’m terrible at dancing. I remember having to learn a routine with Asuka once and it was not pleasant. And as good as you are as a teacher - proven by how good I am at piano and English - I am awful at this.” He looks down at his feet for a second to make his point. “But when you dance with me like this it’s perfect.” 

Kaworu smiles. “You know I literally love you to the moon and back, don’t you.”

Shinji nods but still blushes furiously. “I wish I could come up with a witty comeback to that,” he says. “But I think I’ve used them all up, and loving you to and from the end of the world doesn’t have the same ring to it.”

Kaworu shrugs and spins them gently, twirling himself on Shinji’s fingers before coming in close again and pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

“Your meaning came through.”

“Did you just quote yourself?” Shinji asks, apparently both amused and scandalised.

“Quite possibly. I’ve said a lot of quotable things.”

Shinji giggles, pressing his head into Kaworu’s shoulder and squeezing him tightly with the arm that’s sunk down low on his back. 

“Do you feel better now?” Shinji asks when he leans back again.

Kaworu meets his eyes and nods. “You can tell, can’t you.”

“Yeah, you seem _lighter_ and I don’t mean because we’re floating… and if you make a comment about defying gravity…”

Kaworu raises his eyebrows. “I’m not defying it, just meeting it with an -”

Shinji kisses him, abruptly cutting off his retort. Kaworu smiles against his mouth and follows his lead for a change. When he was away he had missed this so, so much - being able to be with Shinji. Be it just in each other’s company or with their friends, sleeping next to each other or arguing about the best café to go to.

“What are you thinking about?” Shinji asks, cheeks pleasantly flushed and blue eyes shining brightly.

“You.”

“Oh, okay.” He smiles. “Want to put the table back where it belongs and then take this upstairs?”

Kaworu hums, delighted by the suggestion. 

“Sounds good.” 

He moves the table back and glides them both up to his room.

“You slept in here when I was away, didn’t you?”

Shinji nods, dropping back down to the carpet and closing the door behind them.

“I know we sleep equally between them but this is still your space, and it helped.” They’ve spent the last two nights in Shinji’s room so Kaworu understands what he means.

They undress with little ceremony and climb under the covers of Kaworu’s bed until they’re happily settled together.

Kaworu strokes Shinji’s hair as he sleeps, quietly marvelling at what they have - what they all have - and allowing the gentle rhythm of Shinji’s breathing to lull him into sleep.

The world will, after all, still be there in the morning. And so will they.  
*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’ve enjoyed this and want to read more of this universe then the Tabitha story is set a few years after the end of this ^^


End file.
